Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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