I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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