I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
