Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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