my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
