Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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