the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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