My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
