Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
