We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You ruined the universe
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
