Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
