turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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