when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
