you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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