found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
