btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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