It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
