Sponge bath it is.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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