She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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