HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
