You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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