Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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