i just sent this text using only my big toe
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
