I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
