My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
