i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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