I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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