i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
