wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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