I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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