dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
