I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
