Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
