Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
