my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
