The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
