matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
