i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
