found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
