I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
