Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
