Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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