I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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