heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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