Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
