I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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