Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
