i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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