This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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