I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
