Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
