Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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