So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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