like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
