i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
