Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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